Behind Those Hazel Eyes
by MysticLove98
Summary: Life was never meant to be this hard. Wasn't falling in love with her oblivious best friend cruel enough? Apparently not, now she had to be tortured by six words that would completely screw her over "I dare you to kiss Quinn"
1. Chapter 1

**Behind Those Hazel Eyes**

**Summary: Life was never meant to be this hard. Wasn't falling in love with her oblivious best friend cruel enough? Apparently not, now she had to be tortured by six words that would completely screw her over "I dare you to kiss Quinn"**

**Note: I dont own anything. Sorry for any mistakes you find :)**

**Updates may take longer depending on reviews...hope you guys enjoy!  
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><p>Rachel watched helplessly as the spinning bottle taunted her from afar. She knew this game was a bad idea. She already regretted being here and internally cursed her inability to deny her best friend anything.<p>

She allowed Quinn to drag her into the circle full of McKinley's elite and allowed herself to get swept up in the excitement of the party. The first few rounds were both amusing and shocking. Since the bottle had been nowhere close to landing on her, Rachel let herself relax and enjoy what fate others around her were given. Outrageous dares were committed and embarrassing truths admitted but the majority of the group were already drunk enough to not remember anything the next day.

Quinn nudged her with a grin just as Puck leaned in to re-spin the bottle. Rachel stared at her profile and let her eyes linger on her best friends delicate features for a few moments before painfully forcing them to look away.

Her eyes locked onto the rapidly spinning bottle in a move to distract herself from the heat emanating from her best friend and felt her heart rate pick up when it passed by her without stopping. Rachel let her eyes stray around the circle for a few seconds before Quinn's hand latched onto hers for dear life.

Ignoring the fire seeping through her whole body at the contact, Rachel turned her questioning gaze toward the blonde only to find her gaping at the sight before her.

Instantly panicking, Rachel's head shot toward the bottle and if her hand wasn't surrounded by the softness of Quinn's fingers she would have already been half way out of the room. Rachel watched helplessly as the spinning bottle mocked her before coming to a smooth stop in front of where she was seated on the floor.

Complete silence engulfed the room as the brunette locked eyes with Puck, silently begging him to go easy on her. The mohawked boy smirked before looking toward an equally smug Santana. Rachel didn't have anything against either of them but the wicked glint in their eyes when they looked toward her and Quinn made the brunette extremely nervous.

"Truth or Dare?" Puck asked with a leer plastered on his face.

Rachel fidgeted in her spot before biting her lip to contemplate the answer. Quinn squeezed her hand in a gesture of comfort but the brunette was already lost in her own world. She _knew _they would ask her about her romantic interest in Quinn if she picked truth. Puck was a pervert and Santana couldn't go a day without throwing knowing glances at her.

"We're waiting" Puck reminded her impatiently as Santana's evil grin grew beside him.

"Shut up Puckerman, she'll answer when she's ready!" the brunette's head shot up at the growl that escaped from her best friend's throat. "Whenever you're ready Rach" she whispered into the shorter girl's ear. Just when Rachel thought she couldn't fall harder, Quinn had to do something that made her heart want to explode. The blonde smiled reassuringly at her before turning around to glare at anyone who was staring at them.

Internally shaking herself out of her stupor, the brunette met Puck's eyes with fake confidence before answering his long awaited question. "Dare" she said and was pleasantly surprised when her voice didn't waiver.

If possible, Puck's smirk grew as he rubbed his hands together in excitement. Everyone waited on baited breath as he cast one final glance at Santana and Quinn before looking Rachel straight in the eye. "I dare you to kiss Quinn".

Collective gasps and hollering were heard throughout the room as the two best friends froze in place. Rachel stopped breathing the moment 'kiss and Quinn' were used in the same sentence. The girl she had been in love with since she was 13 was about to kiss her. She was practically being _forced_ to kiss her.

This is not how she envisioned her first kiss happening. Quinn didn't even like her in a more than platonic way. She didn't even know Rachel was _gay. _

This was all so wrong but her heart was soaring at the possibility of tasting the lips she had dreamed of every single night for three years. Time stood frozen in her mind but people were already starting to get restless. Her feet were begging her body to get up and flee because she couldn't betray her best friend like this. She couldn't kiss Quinn when she felt so much for her. It would change things by making them a million times harder to cope with.

Her mind was made up and she was in the middle of letting go of the blonde's hand but when Quinn finally turned to look at her, Rachel knew she was completely screwed. If Quinn didn't argue, Rachel would do this and forever lose her sanity because this perfect girl could never be hers.

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><p><strong>To kiss or not to kiss? hmmm<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: Life was never meant to be this hard. Wasn't falling in love with her oblivious best friend cruel enough? Apparently not, now she had to be tortured by six words that would completely screw her over "I dare you to kiss Quinn"**

**Thanks so much for the reviews and story alerts. Hope this will continue to interest you. If you have any idea's let me know. All reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated. **

**Sorry for any spelling and grammatical errors you may find, I tend to skim through my editing and miss a lot of things as a result. **

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><p>Rachel's head was spinning so fast, she was expecting to faint at any moment. Quinn was already leaning in, eyes beginning to flutter closed until the brunette panicked and gently pushed her away. "You don't have to do this Quinn, I'll take the punishment"<p>

The blonde sighed before backing away. "The last person who took the punishment had to run around the block naked"

Rachel subtly shifted further away from her best friend's intoxicating scent before turning to shoot a much deserved death glare at the person who got her into this whole mess. "Noah, please leave Quinn out of your sick fantasies and give me another dare"

Puck's grin faltered for a moment before it came back with a vengeance "Sure babe. I dare you to make out with Karofsky for 5 minutes"

Rachel's outraged gasp was cut off when something bounced off the unsuspecting boys head "Like hell Puckerman!" Quinn pulled the brunette toward her protectively, ignoring the boys pained cry "Rach let's do this so we can get out of here"

"A-Are you sure?" the shorter girl whispered, searching her mind for any excuse to talk Quinn out of this "I mean we both haven't kiss anyone before and-"

"Rachel that's not important, this doesn't even have to be a real kiss. Think of it as an acting exercise"

Rachel thought about it for a second before coming to the conclusion that kissing Quinn would put her in danger of accidentally outing herself. She just _knew_ that the moment their lips touched, all her self- restraint would vanish. "Quinn-"

"For the love of God! Just kiss her you dwarf!"

Quinn didn't even spare Santana a glance, choosing instead to confront her best friend whom couldn't even meet her eyes. "Are you that repulsed by me?" she whispered low enough to barely reach Rachel's ears.

The rejection seeped through the blonde's tone and Rachel wanted to kick herself for making her best friend so self conscious. "No of course not-" The brunette tried to counter without giving herself away but Quinn seemed to be losing her patience very quickly.

"Then stop making it seem like you're disgusted by the thought of kissing me. It's just a quick melding of lips okay? It will be over in two seconds"

Rachel's internal panic attack paused when hurt filled hazel eyes steeled over in determination. Before she could even process the meaning behind the change, Quinn's hands shot up to hold her face steady as she leaned in to successfully kiss her.

Rachel's protests disappeared only to return a moment later when Quinn pulled back much too soon.

"What the fuck? That wasn't a real kiss!" shouts of disappointment echoed throughout the room as Rachel mentally congratulated herself for not doing anything foolish. She hesitantly opened her eyes to see what all the commotion was about only to instantly cringe at all the shouting around her.

"Fucking bullshit! If you don't kiss her properly I will Fabray!"

"What about me San? Can I kiss Rachel too?"

The brunette rolled her eyes at the empty threat but then squeaked in fear when she felt Santana's grip on her wrist.

"What the hell is wrong with everyone?" Quinn's outburst sliced through the room and Rachel breathed a sigh of relief when everyone finally shut their mouths. "You want a kiss?" she continued to scream when everyone diverted their eyes "I'll give you a fucking kiss".

For the second time that night, Rachel was struck speechless when Quinn's gentle hands pried her away from Santana and into her own arms. An apology was whispered against her lips as pale fingers caressed her face and ended every fleeting thought running through her mind.

For the first time in her life Rachel stopped running and allowed herself to finally _feel_.

Impossibly soft lips moved seamlessly over her own as the brunette melted further into her best friends embrace. Fleeting traces of fingertips set fire to her skin as Quinn traced out the contours of her features, slowly making her way across Rachel's jaw and down her neck before clinging to her silky raven locks.

God, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She felt Quinn _everywhere_. She retreated back to gasp for air but the blonde quickly followed and pulled her back into the never ending kiss. Her heart beat pounded against her chest as the blonde's tongue touched her mouth to languidly trace the outline of her lips, teasing them apart and swallowing the surprised gasp that it emitted from the brunette.

Rachel's weak knees began to give out just as Quinn wrapped an arm around her waist to both press her closer and steady her. All her careful defenses completely crumbled as her arms wrapped themselves around the blonde's neck, kissing back with fervor. She clung to Quinn, light headed and weak-limbed as the kiss broke through her barricades and bought to life sensations she had only dreamed of.

She felt like she was either going to black out or die at any moment. Five more seconds and her lungs would collapse but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Rachel felt a gentle squeeze on her neck before Quinn finally pulled back, gasping for air before she nestled her head on the shorter girls shoulder. The brunette's death grip went slack as her hands moved to trace comforting circles on her best friends back.

Rachel's eyes finally fluttered open as she felt Quinn's breathing settle down but their peaceful bubble burst when her gaze landed on the silent room. Unfortunately, the blank stares that met hers didn't last long after Puck got up and started cat calling.

The others who weren't already asleep in their drunken haze were quick to follow his lead.

"Hot Damn!"

"That was so hot!"

"I'm so turned on right now!"

Instead of jolting away from each other, Rachel carefully extracted herself out of Quinn's arms only to grip her wrist and pull her out of the room a moment later. They were both unusually silent as they made their way toward the car but Rachel was grateful for the change, choosing to use the silence as a way of easing her troubled mind.

Once inside the car, the awkwardness of the situation finally settled in. Rachel's lips were still tingling from the kiss, still swollen and covered in Quinn's lip gloss. Her companion shifted uncomfortably in her seat before reaching out to touch the stoic girl next to her.

"Hey are you okay?"

Rachel couldn't even look her best friend in the eye anymore. She wanted to scream and curse and hit something, _preferably Puck_. The effects of the kiss were still lingering, leaving her light headed from all the sensations coursing through her spent body. God, she couldn't even make sense of her thoughts. Rachel didn't know how she was ever going to look at Quinn without longing for her. It was okay when she would smoother her feelings but now that she had tasted those lips, the brunette knew she was in for _years_ of pure torture.

"Yeah I'm good" she lied as her hand reached out to start the engine.

"Rach, please look at me" Quinn pleaded and Rachel's heart broke all over again at the underlying pained tone "I know you're mad at me for kissing you twice-"

"I'm not mad at you Quinn" the sincerity behind her words caused the blondes shoulders to slump in relief "I was just surprised. I-I should actually be thanking you for saving me from Karofsky"

Quinn reached out to playfully poke her in the ribs when she noticed that Rachel was lost in thought again "Bake me some of those delicious sugar cookies and we'll call it even"

The brunette forced out a laugh and nodded before pulling away from the curb to make her way toward Quinn's house. She couldn't wait to crawl into bed and forget everything that happened today. Maybe if she tried hard enough she could convince herself that it was all just a dream.

Her mind had consumed her by the time she pulled up to the blonde's house. It didn't even register that Quinn had hugged her goodbye until the she heard the door shut behind her.

Her traitorous eyes followed her best friend's perfect form until she disappeared through her front door and only then did Rachel allow herself to finally break down.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for the reviews and alerts; I appreciate every single one of them.**

**I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next, I return to work next week so I may not have much time to write.**

**Sorry for any annoying errors you may find, I'm completely blind when I edit my own work.**

**Let me know your thoughts when you finish this chapter and maybe I'll have the motivation to update quickly. **

**Hope you guys enjoy ****:)**

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><p>It had taken two days.<p>

Just two days of avoidance until Quinn caught on.

Rachel was at a loss, avoiding her best friend was starting to take its toll. She missed Quinn already, although her stomach churned at the thought of seeing her after their last encounter, she couldn't deny the fact that being without her best friend made her miserable.

Every time she would try to distract herself from thinking about the kiss, her mind and body would betray her by drifting back to the memory of that breathtaking moment. Rachel inwardly groaned as she slammed her locker shut before pressing her forehead against the cool metal to try and calm herself down.

One thought that stood out of the masses and the one that keep her up all night tossing and turning, constantly reminded her that she had to tell Quinn. She didn't have to reveal everything; some things were too personal and risky. All Quinn had to know was that Rachel wasn't interested in boys.

God, it sounded so simple but Rachel knew there was always a chance that Quinn could pull away and retreat into her non responsive bubble. The one she sought out when she was uncomfortable with something but too polite to tell you.

In the end all she could hope for was Quinn to accept her so she could finally regain some of her sanity. This paranoia and exhaustion had to end. Rachel could hardly breathe properly because her mind was always working on overload, trying to filter through her tireless thoughts.

The bell signaling the start of first period sounded around her but the brunette stood stoic in place when someone placed a hand on her back, trying to hold her captive as the owner of sympathetic blue eyes came into view.

"I heard what happened" The soft whisper brought with it no comfort as the brunette turned to meet the eyes of its owner, silently begging him to ease her pain. The boy took one look into Rachel's conflicted eyes before pulling her into a tight hug. "It okay, it gets better Rach I promise"

The brunette let her tears fall freely, comforted by the fact that someone understood her. "W-when will it get better? I've already waited for three whole years but it only seems to be getting worse. I can't stop these feelings no matter how hard I try to repress them"

Kurt held the sobbing girl tighter, thankful that the hallways were already empty. "Why are you so sure that she doesn't love you back? Quinn is the prettiest girl in school and she doesn't even spare a glance at the guys who fawn over her".

Rachel laughed humorlessly "Quinn is a good Christian girl Kurt, she's just waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep her off her feet"

Kurt rose an eyebrow at her statement before eying the girl curiously "Did she tell you that?"

Rachel shook her head "No, but I know she's straight. We had a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon two weeks ago so she could drool over Johnny Depp the whole time"

Kurt sighed dreamily "That man is such a beautiful creation isn't he?"

The brunette gently pulled out of his embrace and wiped at her tear stained cheeks as she chuckled heartily "He's not really my type"

Kurt gasped in mock horror before playfully winking at the girl "You're loss Berry, more for me"

Rachel shook her head in amusement for a moment before the small smile faded from her features, shoulders slumping in sadness as she dejectedly leaned against the locked behind her "I've decided that I'm going to tell her"

Kurt's grin faltered at the confession "You're going to tell her that…you love her?"

Rachel's eyes widened before quickly shaking her head "No just that I'm…you know"

Kurt watched as the brunette diverted her eyes, still unable to say it out loud. He took her hands and held them in his own, waiting patiently for the distressed girl to look up at him again "there's nothing wrong with you" he said with strong conviction.

Rachel stared into his warm eyes trying to gather some form of strength before squeezing his hands reassuringly "I know and I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. I just need to tell her so I can finally move on with my life"

"Quinn will always be your best friend Rachel. She might need some time to process things but she'll come around eventually. If anything goes wrong, you know I'll always be here for you"

The brunette smiled genuinely for the first time in days before hugging the boy one last time "Thank you Kurt, I don't know what I would have done without you"

"You would still be in denial" They both laughed gently when Rachel grudgingly agreed.

"Let me walk you to class" he said while offering the girl his arm.

Rachel bit her lip in contemplation before shaking her head "I've decided to skip the rest of the day in preparation for tonight. I share next period with Quinn and I won't be able to talk to her without outing myself in public"

Kurt nodded in understanding before walking her toward the exit "Good luck, Call me if you need anything"

"Thank you Kurt, I'll talk to you tomorrow" With one last glance at the boy, Rachel strode out the door with determination. She sent Quinn a text as soon as she got home and smiled in relief when some of the weight on her shoulders diminished.

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><p>There was no backing out now.<p>

Quinn was due to arrive at any moment and Rachel was already on the verge of throwing up for the third time that night. Maybe this was a bad idea, her nerves were all over the place and Quinn wouldn't buy petty excuses this time, the girl was already suspicious of her recent behavior.

Rachel waited anxiously on her bed trying to distract herself with the movie that was playing on TV. She was grateful that her dads were out and that Quinn had a key, this way she had at least a few seconds to brace herself until her best friend entered her room.

Rachel's brain was already starting to hurt with all the thinking she had been doing since she ditched school. Somehow she had managed to write a speech for every predictable scenario and hoped that she wouldn't forget them when Quinn confronted her.

A soft knock on the door spared her from her hyperactive thoughts and Rachel almost fell off the bed in surprise. She managed to put herself together enough to call out for Quinn to come in and instantly cursed herself when her eyes drifted toward her best friend's lips when the girl entered.

"H-Hi" she squeaked as Quinn smiled softly at her in return.

"Hey yourself stranger" The blonde took a seat next to her without hesitation and Rachel tried her best not to stare at her in awe "so are you going to finally tell me what's going on?"

The brunette swallowed nervously at the question, not knowing if it would be appropriate to blurt out the reason so soon. "Uh w-well, don't you want to watch a movie first?"

Quinn frowned at the deflection before reaching out to touch her best friend's shaky hands. "Rach, you've been ignoring me since Saturday. Please…. just tell me what's wrong. Did I do something to upset you?"

Rachel's deafening heartbeat pounded against her chest, begging her to get this over with. She turned to face Quinn and couldn't bring herself to speak when she saw such genuine concern on her best friends face. "You're perfect Quinn, you have never done anything to hurt me; I'm just so scared that you won't be able to look at me the same after I tell you"

The blonde reached out to touch Rachel's small form, worried that she would run away at any second. "Rach, whatever it is, we can get through it together like we always do. You never have to be scared of telling me things, I'll never judge you"

Tears cascaded down the brunettes face as she shook her head and launched herself into Quinn's arms for possibly the last time. The blonde instantly held her close, running her fingers through chocolate locks to sooth the fragile girl. "Why do I suddenly feel like I'm losing you?" she whispered fearfully into Rachel's ear as the girl clung onto her tightly.

"You could never lose me. I'm the one who is at risk of losing _you_"

"Rachel that's not even possible! Please….just help me understand" she pleaded as the brunette pulled away far enough to look into her eyes.

"I- I need to ask you something okay? I need you to think about it and be completely honest with me"

Quinn swallowed thickly, already afraid of where this was heading "Okay, ask me" she nodded hesitantly when Rachel seemed to struggle with gathering her thoughts.

"What would make you hate me? What would it take for you to stop being my friend?"

Quinn released her hold on the brunette before reaching up to cup her face "Rachel, where is this even coming from? I could never hate you okay?"

Allowing herself to lean into the warmth radiating from Quinn's palms, Rachel covered a pale hand with her own, barely holding herself back from pressing a kiss to the soft skin "I've been hiding something from you for a while. I'm going to tell you what it is and I'll completely understand if you want to terminate our friendship. Just don't feel obligated to continue if you're no longer comfortable being around me okay? All I ask for in return is that you don't tell anyone what I'm about to disclose"

Quinn's eyebrows furrowed in concern before her thumbs started caressing the brunette's trembling cheeks "Rachel nothing will change, I can't imagine my life without you"

The brunette closed her eyes and tried to contain her nerves before attempting to speak "I-Im…."

"You're what? Come on superstar let it out. You never have to hide anything from me"

Licking her dry lips, the brunette met her best friend's unwavering gaze "I don't like boys" she whispered before finding the courage to say it out loud for the first time "I'm-I'm Gay"

Quinn's eyes widened in surprise and shock and Rachel instantly pulled away as she felt familiar tears stinging her eyes. It was done. She had finally admitted half of the secret that had been eating at her for years but instead of feeling relieved and joyful, Rachel felt nauseous.

"I'm so sorry Quinn" The brunette turned away from Quinn completely before fleeing to her bathroom because she couldn't handle seeing the disgust that was sure to taint the blonde's features if she looked back.


	4. Chapter 4

**You guys are amazing! I couldn't leave you hanging after all the wonderful reviews ****:)**

**Sorry for the short chapters so far, they'll eventually get longer when the story gets deeper. I'm suffering from a mild case of writers block right now so it's kind of difficult to write as much as I used to.**

**This is loosely edited because I'm exhausted from work so I apologize for the errors that you will probably find.**

**Hope you enjoy this next part!**

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><p>Rachel's sobs echoed throughout the empty bathroom as silence kept her company. It felt like hours since she had initially made her confession but the rational part of her mind knew it had only been a few minutes.<p>

She sat with her back pressed against the door, waiting for familiar footsteps to disappear and for her bedroom door to close, so she could cry in the comfort of her bed. She covered her mouth to silence the verbal evidence of her pain and counted down the remaining seconds it took for Quinn to finally leave her room.

She waited on baited breath for the door to close but the final sentence never came. Curiosity replaced the rejection her heart was feeling for a second as she tried to calm herself down just enough to hear what was happening outside the bathroom.

Rachel got up from her makeshift seat on the cold tiled floor and walked over to the window curiously. She watched with stinging eyes for Quinn's car to drive away from her house only to be alarmed when the echo of someone running up the stairs came instead.

She braced herself for parting words of disgust to be thrown at her, only to be surprised when a soft knock sounded instead. "Rach? Please open the door?" Her best friend was miraculously still here. Rachel pinched herself to make sure she wasn't hallucinating and smiled in relief when a dull pain registered in her arm.

Cautiously, she walked over to the door and placed both palms against it to steady herself "Q-Quinn? You're still here?"

A soft thump and a shaky sigh disrupted the silence as the blonde pressed her forehead against the hard surface "I told you I wouldn't leave Rach, I just went downstairs to get you a glass of water. I'm sorry I took so long, I-I was just trying to process everything that you told me"

"You don't hate me?" Rachel's softly whimpered question caught them both off guard as the brunette tried to make sense of the situation she had caused.

"Never…could you please just open the door so we can talk about this?"

Rachel shook her head, knowing that she couldn't be close to the blonde after what she had revealed. Her inability to stop touching Quinn would surely raise some questions that she wasn't ready to answer just yet "I know you need some time for this to sink in and I won't hold it against you for leaving. You can go Quinn, I'll be okay"

"Rachel, I'm not leaving until you come out here and talk to me properly" God, there was no way of escaping this. Rachel honestly didn't know how much longer she could resist that beautiful voice. "Please superstar? Just let me hold you for a little while and I'll leave you alone, I promise"

Rachel was losing it and quickly running out of excuses at the same time. Nothing sounded more tempting than being held so close to the blonde, especially after thinking she had lost her forever. Not seeing any good reason to be kept apart any longer, the brunette finally unlocked the door and slowly came face to face with the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

Rachel watched as the blonde carefully placed the glass of water on the floor before stepping forward to wrap her in a bear hug. "I'm so mad at you for thinking I would give you up so easily"

Rachel laughed tearfully as Quinn reprimanded her for her irrational fears. "I'm sorry, I haven't been thinking clearly for years"

The taller girl pulled away a little bit with a serious expression guarding her usually playful features "how long have you known?"

Rachel bit her lip and tried to remember the day it had happened even though it was still so clear in her mind. "I have known since we were thirteen although I was living in denial until last year"

Quinn swallowed audibly at the new information, not knowing how to ask the question that had been nagging at her ever since Rachel came out to her "So the kiss last Saturday…did you feel anything?"

Rachel visibly paled when the words hit her, she felt like she just got hit by a frozen slushy. Apparently her body caught up when she fully pulled away from the blonde's grip; she needed to quickly think of a lie before Quinn put the missing pieces together.

"Listen to me carefully okay?" her best friend nodded slowly as her hazel eyes followed Rachel's furious pacing around the room "You're my best friend and I care for you very much. I don't have any other feelings beside those of a friendly nature so you don't have to feel uncomfortable around me okay? Please don't start over analyzing things just because you know I like women now. _Please_ don't let this change us okay? Im still _me_, my sexuality doesn't change that"

Quinn diverted her eyes in what Rachel thought to be a guilty manner "So what you're saying is that…..you're not attracted to me?"

Rachel smiled in relief because Quinn hadn't actually pressed her about not answering the question. Her smile widened in victory as she walked back toward where the blonde was leaning against the wall. "Exactly! Nothing has to get weird or complicated between us"

Quinn looked up and studied the brunette with a fallen expression before straightening up her posture and plastering on a smile to lighten the mood "Okay….well now that I know that I'm not you're type…"

Rachel giggled obliviously before grabbing Quinn's hand and dragging her toward the bed "Thankfully I'm immune to the Fabray charm"

The blonde swallowed down the now permanent lump in her throat, not quite understanding why this conversation hurt so much.

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><p>Things had almost gone back to normal after that night. Rachel learned to conceal her longing glances more effectively but sometimes she would catch Quinn looking at her in such an indescribable way and she never found the courage to question it because the look disappeared just as quickly as she caught it.<p>

The brunette had been in the middle of recording her daily MySpace video when Quinn had walked into her bedroom looking anxious. Sensing the impending breakdown, Rachel turned off the video recorder and joined Quinn at the head of her bed, trying to stay quiet until the blonde was ready to talk.

After what seemed like an eternity, the blonde finally opened up. "Finn cornered me again after school"

Rachel hoped Quinn didn't notice the death grip she had on her comforter right now or the way her knuckles were starting to turn a sickly white color. "Oh really?" She asked trying to contain her dread "what did he want?"

Quinn hesitated, eyes still glued to the ceiling before she reached out to blindly grip the brunette's hand "He ask me out on a date"

God, Rachel's vision blacked out as she clenched her eyes shut, she knew this day would come but she could never prepare herself what she felt in that moment. If Quinn's hand wasn't anchoring her own, Rachel would have run to the bathroom to empty out the contents of her stomach.

The brunette took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the way Quinn's fingers felt between her own, but failed miserably when the thought of those hands intertwining with Finn's tore another hole in her chest.

Shit, she had to get herself together before she passed out. She squeezed Quinn's hand, mentally begging her not to go but the blonde seemed to be too lost in her own world to notice her silent pleas. "D-do you want to go?" she asked, already fearing the answer.

The question seemed to snap Quinn out of her haze as she finally turned away from the ceiling to look at her best friend. "I don't know. Do you think I should go?"

Rachel watched as Quinn looked at her with that indescribable expression once again. God, she would give anything to know what the blonde was thinking. Quinn looked conflicted but Rachel couldn't understand why. Her hazel eyes asked an unknown question but the vulnerability in them is what killed Rachel the most.

She couldn't be selfish anymore. Quinn was a beautiful girl and she deserved someone who would love her, a boy whose feeling she _could_ actually reciprocate. Rachel loved her too much to hold her back from finding happiness, they were already sixteen and as inexperienced as girls could come. She owed it to Quinn to help her find someone worthy; maybe this would be Rachel's chance to move on too.

She wasn't sure how much longer she could hide this if they continued to walk along the same path. Quinn needed to walk astray first because Rachel would walk with her forever if she didn't.

Erasing all selfish thoughts from her screaming mind, Rachel inhaled deeply and stared into the blonde's patient eyes. She ignored the searing pain in her heart before finally answering the question; "I think you should give him a chance".


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this is kinda late, work is a total bitch.**

**Hope you guys enjoy and don't hate me too much by the end of this. **

**Please excuse the errors, it's way passed my bed time lol**

**My next update will hopefully be soon but don't hold me to that…**

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><p>So maybe encouraging Quinn to go out with Finn Hudson was a bad idea…<p>

Rachel knew it was for her own good but she couldn't seem to stop the lingering ache in her chest whenever her eyes wandered to the clock and absently reminded her that Quinn was on her first date.

The same first date that Rachel always convinced herself to believe would be experienced with her.

The brunette was struck with the sudden urge to get up and drive around Lima's hot spots until she found the couple. She barely stopped herself from leaving the room because she couldn't be _that_ girl. Rachel had encouraged it and now she had to deal with the aftermath, no matter how much it was killing her.

She tried recording her daily video's to distract herself but it either sounded too depressing or too flat. Her father's had come up to check on her multiple times because she couldn't stop singing Barbra Streisand's rendition of 'The Way We Were'.

It also didn't help that she burst into tears each time she got half way through the song. Thankfully, her father's didn't pry and left her alone to wallow in her pit of depression. Rachel finally gave up on trying to fool herself after the tenth attempt and cowered under her covers to hopefully cry herself to sleep.

She had only drifted off for a few short minutes when her ring tone awoke her from her dreamless slumber. The brunette shot up in hopes that it was Quinn calling to tell her about the awful date, she blindly grabbed her cell phone and answered it without even looking at the caller ID. "Hey!"

"Berry "

Rachel deflated in disappointment and instantly rolled her eyes at the already sarcastic voice on the other end, surprised that it hadn't insulted her yet. "Santana? How did you get my number?" The barely masked irritation in her tone must have been evident because the other brunette was already starting to enjoy herself.

"I have my ways"

"If you called to insult me, I'm really-"

"Shut up berry, I have something important to tell you"

Rachel's rebuttal instantly halted at the other girls comment, Santana miraculously sounded less evil today. "What is it? Did someone die? Oh my god is Quinn okay?"

The low chuckle on the other end instantly made her blood run cold. "Barbie is great, I'm actually looking at her right now. Did you know that your girl was on a date with fetus face?"

Rachel instantly slumped against the headboard as she unsuccessfully tried to stop images of the couple from entering her mind. "Why are you doing this Santana?" she asked helplessly as Santana sighed on the other end.

"Look Berry, I'm just trying to help you. It's pathetic watching you two parade your gayness around so obliviously. Has your inflated ego blinded your midget eyes or something? First you kiss her then stand around to watch her suck face with the beanstalk? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Rachel huffed in annoyance, trying helplessly not to sink to the Latina's level "Quinn already knows I'm gay and her actions have made it clear that she is straight. I've already accepted the fact that she only sees me as a friend so who she chooses to date is frankly none of my business"

"Does she even know you _like_ her?"

Rachel bit her lip to keep herself from snapping at the other girl. She knew Santana could make her life hell if she wasn't careful. "No, I'm not going to tell her. She obviously doesn't feel the same way about me so I have no choice but to stop living in a dream world. This is real life and we don't always get what we want"

God, she could already hear the smirk on Santana's face, surely nothing good would come out of this conversation. "You're right Berry; the only way to get over someone is to move on. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Okay, Rachel was _not_ expecting that. "Um Santana I'm flattered but you're-"

"Gross! Not _me_ you hobbit! And don't even think about mentioning Brittany of I'll _end_ you, I know you have a thing for blondes" Rachel blushed and breathed a sigh of relief at the same time, no-one in their right mind would get involved with those two. "There's this girl on the squad who has a thing for you. I could set you up if you were interested"

Rachel blinked and glared at the phone "You honestly think I'm going to fall for that? What's in it for you Santana? if you're trying to hurt Quinn I swear to-"

"Oh my god! Are you always this dramatic? Don't accuse me of shit when I'm only trying to help you. You can either trust me or go fuck yourself; I'm doing this for Brittany because she hates it when you walk around like a depressed bitch. Call me when you're ready to accept my offer but don't keep me waiting too long or you'll lose your chance."

Rachel was met with the dial tone as she stared incredulously at her pillow. Santana trying to help her get over Quinn was ridiculous, that girl only helped people when she got something out of it too. The brunette shook her head and buried herself under her pillows until she ran out of oxygen; her best friend would surely be her demise if she didn't get over her soon. Rachel knew Brittany cared about her but she honestly couldn't trust Santana because this whole thing sounded suspicious.

The brunette finally emerged from under the pillow mountain and chanced a glance at her digital clock. She groaned in annoyance when she noticed it was only half past nine, God, it felt like this day would never end.

* * *

><p>Thankfully after a night of tossing and turning she had actually managed to get a few hours of sleep. Rachel didn't see or contact Quinn on Sunday because the blonde usually spent the day at church and with her mother. Instead, she reluctantly went through her pile of homework that had been neglected.<p>

The brunette had just started her English essay when a knock on the door broke her concentration. Rachel looked up in time to see Quinn peeking through her door with a big smile on her face, her heart instantly leapt out of her chest and broke at the same time as she gave her best friend a small smile in return.

Quinn let herself in and made a beeline toward Rachel's bed, inviting the brunette to join her as soon as her back hit the mattress. Rachel reluctantly dragged her feet toward her best friend and sat as far as possible from the other girl. "I thought you were spending the day with your mom?"

Quinn raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow at the distance between them which resulted in Rachel having to look away to pick at her comforter. "We finished early so I thought you would want to hang out?"

Rachel nodded absently before clearing her throat "I-Uh yes that would be nice but I have to work on my English essay later so…."

Quinn sat up to study the other girl properly "The same English essay that's due on Tuesday? Wow are you okay?"

The brunette hesitantly met her best friend's eye, careful not to stare into them for too long "of course, why wouldn't I be okay?"

Quinn tilted her head in that adorable puppy way as she shifted closer "Well you never do anything last minute"

Rachel stopped picking at her comforter and withdrew her hands to her lap, just in case Quinn reached out to hold them "I've just had a lot of things on my mind lately, it's nothing you should be worried about" she flashed Quinn a big smile but faltered when pale fingers reached out to trace the skin under her eyes. Shit, when did Quinn get that close?

The blonde frowned deeply as Rachel flinched away at her touch "You haven't been sleeping….Rach what's wrong?"

The brunette turned her head away from Quinn's gaze as she tried to stop her lips from trembling, "Nothing, I've just been stressed with school. Uh how was your date last night?" She hoped her best friend would give her a break and take the hint. Having Quinn look at her like that made her want to cry all over again.

She could feel Quinn's eyes trying to break down her walls and continued to avoid eye contact until the blonde sighed and moved away. "It was okay, I mean I have nothing else to compare it too but Finn was a gentleman so it wasn't bad."

Rachel bit the inside of her cheek, trying desperately not to glare at her wall. "That's good, are you seeing him again?"

Quinn reached forward to maneuver Rachel's face until she was facing her again. "I told him I would think about it after he kissed me on my doorstep."

The brunette's eyes flashed dangerously before she managed to get a hold of herself, the burning jealousy coursing through her at that moment was murderous. She fucking hated Finn Hudson before but now she wanted to kill him, just knowing that Quinn had kissed him made her blood boil. "I-I…Uh that's nice. Did you enjoy the kiss?" she asked nonchalantly but one look at her clenched fists would instantly give her away. Thankfully Quinn was preoccupied with her eyes, not that Rachel would let her see anything anyway.

Quinn bit her lip and backed away when all she could see was Rachel's unbreakable mask "It was nothing special, I was expecting something like….uh something different but I didn't really feel much"

The brunette nodded absently, still mentally plotting the boy's death. "I'm really glad you had a good time Quinn." Rachel couldn't help but smile a little when Quinn's words finally registered, her best friend honestly didn't seem very interested in Finn. "Maybe you should go out again, he sounds like a nice guy." Maybe she was being selfish in encouraging her again but Rachel honestly needed some more time before she could see Quinn with someone she was crazy about.

The blonde shrugged in disinterest "Yeah, I guess. Maybe I'll feel something later, first dates are overrated anyway"

Rachel contained her grin, oblivious to the look she was receiving from her best friend "Yes definitely overrated"

"So…is there anyone you like?"

The awkward silence that surrounded them made Rachel shift uncomfortably "Not at the moment, I mean Santana is trying to set me up with someone but I don't trust her enough to agree."

She looked up just in time to see Quinn's jaw clench almost painfully "Oh? That's…..i mean do I know her?"

Rachel eyed her best friend curiously, not knowing what to make of the deathly look that her comforter was receiving "I don't know, Santana mentioned she was a cheerio though"

Quinn swallowed thickly before staring at Rachel "You hate cheerio's right?"

The brunette blushed before shaking her head "Some of them are nice I guess, but I'm not interested in dating anyone right now."

Quinn clenched her eyes shut for a few long seconds before re-opening them and grinning happily at the brunette "Come here, I still need my daily hug" she made a show of stretching her arms as wide as they could go and Rachel was powerless to do anything other than crawl up the bed and allow herself to be held in the only place that felt like home.

* * *

><p>Monday came sooner than expected and Rachel found herself at her locker preparing books for her next classes. The brunette usually waited for Quinn to join her so they could walk together so she finished her morning routine and turned to lean against the cool metal when she saw something that made her want to scream.<p>

Finn was leaning over Quinn at her locker with that stupid dopey grin while her best friend laughed at something he said. Rachel turned away just as he leaned down to kiss the blonde, completely caught off guard. For someone whom she apparently didn't like, Quinn seemed completely smitten with the dumb jock.

Just as she was about to turn on her heel, Santana blocked her path with Brittany in tow. "Not enjoying the show midget?"

Rachel sneered at the Latina, fully prepared for a smack down when Brittany suddenly stepped forward to hug her. "Don't be mean San! Sorry Rach, she's just sad because she doesn't want Quinn to make the same mistakes she did."

Rachel calmed down enough to relax into the embrace before burying her face in the blonde's neck. "Brittany? Is there really someone who wants to date me?" She couldn't even bring herself to care that she sounded like she was about to cry.

The taller girl squeezed the brunette in her arms before letting her go "Christina is a really nice girl Rach! I think you will really like her!"

Rachel felt all the air leave her lungs the moment she allowed her eyes to wander back to the happy couple standing a couple of feet away from them. Finn was still talking to Quinn but the blonde girl's attention was on Rachel, the brunette stared back confidently before breaking eye contact to look at a smirking Santana. She nodded at the Latina once before addressing the bubbly girl next to her. "Set me up with your friend Britt, I'm ready."

Brittany squealed and pulled her into another bone crushing hug before dragging Santana away to class. Rachel watched the two disappear down the hall as she listened to familiar footsteps closing the distance between them. She knew it was Quinn but her feet had already decided to run before she could turn around to answer when Quinn whispered her name.


End file.
